Room 038 [Video] (Backdated to PSYCH-UP FRIDAY)

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[The feed flickers on and the camera shakes wildly before it rounds on a shirtless and wide-eyed Henry Townshend. The only thing behind him is an abundance of evening sky. He is on the roof.]}

I'm going to do it. I'm finally going to do it, are you ready? I'm gonna catch Fat Stanley.

_{[The camera whips around to show a flock of Pidove foraging peacefully in the neighbor's yard below. Sure enough, one of them is rather fat.]}

He has no idea. He's been evading us for a year he thinks he's so great well he's got another thing coming!

<sub>[He gingerly puts his 'gear down on the roof and angles it where he thinks the Pidove flock is. Sadly, they're cut off from view. The last thing the camera films is one Henry Townshend running along the edge of the roof full tilt and disappearing over the edge of it with a wild war yell.]

[The feed eventually times out.]


[Any video responses will come the following day.]</sub>


[ACTION FOR SHARKHOUSE the following day.]

_{[Henry sulks on the sofa and frowns blearily at the television. He is full of two different kinds of pain medicine and his foot is in a cast already lovingly decorated with names and messages from his housemates. He did not catch Fat Stanley.]}

Comments

[foolishwren]

_{[There's a yell from the other room.]}

Just don't make any crepes!

[exeggutorhead]

[He was about to make another smartass remark to Henry when Heather pops in.]

Hey, shut up! That was once!

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry's face lights up. That's right! Baby sister is home! He shimmies backward on the sofa a little so that he's propped up on the arm. One side of the kitchen is in sight.]}

Yeah! Maybe you should just make some cereal! You can't burn that!

_{[Henry, this man helped you once when you were eating cereal off the floor with your face.]}

[foolishwren]

_{[BABY SISTER IS HOME and even with Henry's roof-jumping escapades yesterday, Envy still wears the crown for Biggest Current Fuckup in the house. Also, Envy's fun to tease.]}

Don't burn the cereal, Envy!

[exeggutorhead]

[>8[!!!]

[he's feeling so attacked right now you jerks]

[He crosses his arms and huffs before continuing into the kitchen. He'd been mostly joking before but NOW HE'S DOING IT. JUST WATCH.]

I'M MAKING PANCAKES.

[There's some clattering from the invisible side of the kitchen as he starts forcibly getting out bowls and measuring tools.]

[no_ufo_ending]

Don't do it! Don't go!

_{[He's twisted around about as far as he can without disturbing his foot.]}

I can't walk! If the house burns down, nobody home is strong enough to carry me!

[foolishwren]

_{[She doesn't bother coming into the room, but her yelling does get louder once she hears Envy banging around.]}

Dozens Dead in House Fire, Local Man Pleads Pancakes!

[exeggutorhead]

PAN.

[He bangs a whisk on the counter to make an alarming noise.]

CAKES.

And local girl is discovered to not be able to count!

[no_ufo_ending]

Don't make too much noise or Lust will HIRE SOMEONE TO PUT YOU TO SLEEP WITH A PINK GODBEAST!

_{[His voice cracks from hollering the entire previous day.]}

[foolishwren]

_{[Heather's voice is cracking, too, but it's with laughter.]}

Local Man Suspect in Pancake Fire Comes Under Public Scrutiny for Alleged Connections to the Lullaby Assassin!

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy is no longer indignant, he's only just barely not laughing himself. He waves the whisk out where Henry will be able to see it.]

Yeah, and Lust plans ahead! You don't know if she's already paid me off in advance!

THE LULLABY ASSASSIN NEVER SLEEPS.

[He lets out a maniacal cackle and the whisk withdraws. There's the noise of the fridge opening and things being taken out. Envy bangs on the counter some more.]

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry's face warped into a little frown as Envy was no longer being insulted for his cooking abilities.]}

Oh whatever! You can't cook you way out of a wet paper bag!

_{[He turns away and sinks back down onto the sofa.]}

[foolishwren]

_{[Heather, on the other hand, is still perfectly happy to play along.]}

Lullaby Assassin's Name Confirmed to be 'Really Ironic', News at Eleven.

[exeggutorhead]

Yeah, we'll see about that.

[It sounds like he's actually started mixing things together! These cooking noises go on for about a minute, before...]

Oh.

[It's a quiet, kind of alarmed noise. SOMETHING'S GONE TERRIBLY WRONG.]

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Something about that little 'Oh' doesn't sound good.]}

Heather! Heather, drag me! Envy's caught something on fire!

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Oh. Oh dear.]

[SORRY HENRY if something's really wrong, she doesn't have time to drag you into the kitchen aka THE DANGER ZONE.]

[There's a crash from the other room as Heather scrambles to her feet and then sprints past the couch and into the kitchen.]</sub>

What happened?!

_{[GENUINE ALARM HERE]}

[exeggutorhead]

It's not on fire!

[He shouts this indignantly in Henry's direction, but then Heather's already in there to check.]

[The thing he'd been 'oh'-ing about is pretty obvious. He hadn't even gotten to the stove part yet. The ingredients are all still in the mixing bowl, and...well.]

[Envy appears to have made some kind of horrible, flour-y playdoh. Where he was stirring it, it looks remarkably like some kind of blob-monster is rising out of the middle of the stuff and just...not sinking back down. He gives Heather a look of helpless, really kind of embarrassed alarm.]

...it's not supposed to look like that.

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry watches Heather race by...in the wrong direction. SOME RESCUE. He finally sits up and turns so that his feet are on the floor more or less. Number 21/21 is taking no chances, he is already reaching for his crutch.]}

Heather, don't be a hero!

[foolishwren]

<sub>[She looks down at the bowl and the atrocity growing out of it.]




[Then she takes it from him.]

[And turns right around to walk back into the living room.]</sub>

Henry, get a load of this.

[exeggutorhead]

Wh--hey!

[Envy comes out of the kitchen after her, even though it's already too late to stop her from showing Henry. He still tries to reach around and grab the bowl back.]

You're awful!

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[When he sees no smoke trailing from the bowl, he relaxes. And then he grows curious because it's time to play Just How Badly did Envy Fuck Up? You can play along at home!]

[He leans to look into the bowl and a SNORT rips its way out of him. He covers his mouth but it's too late.]</sub>

Oh.

[foolishwren]

_{[NOPE. Envy's not getting it back. She's not done being awful yet. She leans away from him, holding the bowl out of reach.]}

Now we get to play the 'How did this happen' game.

Henry, how do YOU think this happened?

Not enough water? Too much stirring?

[exeggutorhead]

Come onnn.

And what do you mean, too much stirring? How can you stir too much, it's just mixing.

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry pantomimes adjusting his glasses as he leans closer to inspect the bowl.]}

I think you're missing an egg. Or three.

[foolishwren]

_{[Heather, in turn, pantomimes holding a microphone out to Envy. Deliberately bumping his chin with her fist in the process to make it even more annoying.]}

ENVY, tell us! Is his guess correct?

Are you, in fact, missing an egg? Or three?